Me & The Toronto Police-A Love Story
Sunday, 16. October 2011 11:10 | Author:daniela aum
So…this is so NOT the post I expected to be writing today.
I was raised in a culture that loathed the police, and unfortunately, have been witness to enough police corruption & brutality over the years to believe the negative hype.
In highschool I began protesting (a support the teachers on a work-to-rule protest,) caught the activist bug and have been an activist my entire life since. I have no pet causes-but a variety of issues I lend spare energy to. Basically, anything that breaks my heart in the world I try to do something for. I find if I’m working towards a solution or defending the victim, the anguish feels more productive & therefore easier to bear.
16 years ago these endeavors got me called a “Doomsday-er.” I had future predictions of the US economic collapse, world war, economic world dominance, climate change. etc
9/11 made me enemies. I smelled corruption & lies the moment it happened. My NWO radar was blaring and I was vocal about it. At that point I was called a “Conspiracy Theorist” and when I started talking about economic bondage by a corporate elite, I actually lost friends. The common message “Even if you are right, if this is true, I don’t want to know”As years passed police brutality started to circulate the news more and more & G20 came to Toronto and for me emotionally, it was a culmination of my entire adult life of activism coming to a climax. I’m not sure what hit me the hardest, the police brutality or the lame excuses and denials that came afterwards. The fact that to this day not one of those vicious bullies have been held accountable just adds insult to injury. All year its been building and every article of police brutality around the globe set me off more & more.
I have spent my whole adult life soapboxing people begging they wake up. Suddenly, to my absolute shock it happened. The conspiracy theories we used to share in secret when it was too dangerous to know, is now suddenly common knowledge I’m no longer a “conspiracy theorist” but a “truther” wow
When Occupy Toronto was announced, my gut wrenched at the thought of another G20 fiasco. I took to Twitter to remind Toronto Police Services that none of it was forgotten. Being home recovering from a head injury gave me lots of time to stew in a 16 year resentment I wasn’t even aware was poisoning me.
One day, I got so mad I felt sick, and realized, I just can’t be mad anymore-I’m sick of being angry. Nothing gets fixed when you are screaming at closed windows. We are angry, they resent it, get angry back-so we all walk around scowling & angry. Its not good for anyone. Occupy Toronto is the ultimate test-and walking into it pissed off is only going to be ugly. We all, both sides, have to find the humanity in each other.
Cops normally look at my dreads and poverty clothes & scowl at me or give me the “wish I could frisk her, I bet she’s got pot” look. I get defensive & scowl back. I add to the problem. My scowling isn’t going to cure anything.
Then the night before occupation @TorontoPolice was being particularly sweet on Twitter. I sat there staring at 4 huge bags of supplies for the demonstrators and realized the police got nothing-nothing but suspicion. Then I thought-these poor guys/gals are being used has human shields to protect 1% evil jerks from 99% of the population. That’s gotta be scary. I was overwhelmed with empathy and soon that empathy turned to love….big love. I thought of their raw deal, how most got into that gig with great intentions only to get picked on by the people they serve. I thought of all the times the cops had to deal with people like my scumbag neighbour & how that could really effect their perceptions of humanity etc. The more I thought of it, the more my heart filled.
I twittered them & offered some homemade cake assuming they’d politely decline (for safety reasons I certainly would not have taken it personally) but I wanted to at least make a gesture. I was shocked when they accepted. I ran to the kitchen and put more love into those cakes than I ever have before.
The next day they asked if I could drop at it police headquarters & I almost had heart failure. Faaaak. I was terrified but I realized that’s why I had to do it. I stood outside & waited for the officer to meet me. He was beautiful. His eyes clear and ….good. He radiated warmth and good intentions.
I am not using their names, not because its not important-these officers deserve uber-recognition, but because I want to stress that they represent all police. All police have this beautiful potential and we as a civilian community should embrace and support that. I expected him to politely take the cake, shake my hand and toss it in the trash after I leave. (I actually would have been elated even at that) Instead he invited me in. I was scared-after I walked through that door I was on my own. Again, why I had to. For the sake of my soul I decided to trust him. I’m so glad I did. I saw a bunch of uniforms and immediately various beautiful eyes shined so bright the uniforms disappeared. All I saw was good people trying to do good things, getting a raw deal because of the actions of very few that reflect on the entire flock. I’m constantly accusing the police of prejudice through profiling—but I’m the one who’s prejudiced.
These people were beautiful, wonderful. What moved me the most, they started eating my cake! The fact that they would trust a poverty stricken dready activist meant the world to me.
Time for me to do penance. I fell so in love with them yesterday, I want more. I have decided to volunteer with the Toronto Police-don’t know how but I’m committed. Anything I can do to help community relations I will. My art, whatever. The best way I can serve my beloved community, is to serve the people sworn to serve & protect it. I’m tired of screaming for change, I want to love for change. I want to love every cop, especially the bully cops-maybe they just need a hug?
The knight in shining armour that met me outside hugged me before I left-and with that hug 16 years of mistrust & resentment disappeared. My heart melted.
Yesterday I expected to find a revolution in the street, but found it in my heart instead.
There is no such thing as cops & civilians. There is only people. We are one.
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